First we take the nectar from the Cosmic Tree of Sleep, Then send the unused water to a pharmacy in Phreep.
While Connie mixed the flavoring from rock and rye and rust
The Bezos Triplets pounded seven tentacles to dust.
Sharp-eyed onlookers may notice funny forms have been prepared
Into which we’ll pour the lethal essence cubed and squared.
Some on the Board demurred at the use of the literal “lethal” word.
“Think of the marketing,” they protested, like a single giant bird.
Free weed stickers in every bag of Juno and Jupiter’s Gummies
Will overcome any doubts about any damage to your tummies.
Each bag is emblazoned with cartoon depictions of Juno and Jupiter laughing.
If your order is not sent on time, blame it on our under-staffing.
Volunteers recruited to try all the seven flavors
Wound up in the hospital, changed into crazy cravers.
“I feel more aware of my feet than before,” wrote one volunteer on his survey,
Though that could be due to the shoes that he wore, unlaced and cheap, by the way.
Sponsorship of the Red Solar Spy Show brought further renown to the brand
Juno and Jupiter’s Jazzmetal Juggernaut toured as its certified band.
All was fun and games and everyone was getting zoned
Until the day arrived the Galactic Emperor was enthroned.
“Juno, Jupiter, welcome aboard,” boomed Teitel Max the First.
“I will make a deal with you to slake your stoner thirst.”
“You will endorse my reign of fear and greed and broken treaties
And I will allow you to continue to sell your medicated sweeties.”
The cosmic comedy duo exchanged a glance in some alarm.
In all their years of getting high, they’d never yet come to harm.
Juno was the first to speak: “Yo, man, we’ll have to, like, talk to our
attorneys. We don’t actually own the company.”
Jupiter added, “Yeah, it’s just a licensing deal, you dig? We can’t
keep track, we’ve got so many.”
The emperor, unhappy with this show of great reluctance,
Ordered our two heroes to think about it in his dungeons.
“We’ve been in some tight spots before,” said Juno, “But this one is the worst.”
“Be cool,” his friend and partner replied, “It’s not like we are cursed.”
In the gloom and squalor of their cell, Jupiter reached into his jacket pocket
And pulled out an ancient reticule, though some might call it a locket.
“Here,” he told Juno and handed it over, twisting the knob on the top.
Inside were Special Edition Gummies, loaded with double the POP.
Each took a gummy and each took a bite and each took his life on his tongue.
Resistance to tyranny is never so easy or fun as it is when you’re young.
And so we leave our friends as their trip can’t get much stupider.
If you’d like to be a freedom fighter too, then try some of Juno and Jupiter’s!
